Reflection on the Past two years.

Originally due on July 25th, 2006 Abigail decided that she would rather stay where she was, so we scheduled the induction for August 2nd. That was the earliest we could get her induced passed the missed due date. The only complication I had encountered the entire pregnancy was that my dormant childhood asthma had returned with a vengeance within a month of becoming pregnant. I additionally was fighting a bronchial infection at the time that I found out that I was expecting. I began seeing an asthma and allergy specialist and remained on inhaler treatments the entire pregnancy. I had two whole weeks post partum with Abby in which time I was obsessed with feeding and changing her and trying to make sure that we could afford my not working. Then on the 16th I had just finished feeding Abby when I started to feel a strange twinge on my left side. The twinge felt like a cramp of sorts, so I ignored it. I started having shortness of breath and so thinking it was asthma related took my inhaler and continued to deal with the discomfort in my side. That evening I continued to be uncomfortable and at that point breathing deeply was hurting more and more. I woke in the middle of the night with a stabbing pain and the inability to breath while lying down. Jason was insistent that I go the hospital, but I being a stubborn oaf told him that I would prefer to wait and see if I got better. Besides June (my mother-in-law) was coming into town, I had set up some interviews for a few days from then, and I had a new baby I did not want to leave. By the time June arrived in the afternoon of the 17th I was hurting so badly that I was in tears. So we picked June up from the airport and immediately dropped her off with Abigail and went to the ER. At the ER I was put through rounds of tests to include a CAT Scan and blood work. They had me on pain relievers and I was given a breast pump so that I could take care of the fact that I was leaking like a sieve. Even with the pain relievers I remember that I could still feel the discomfort. After being there for a few hours it was finally revealed that I had a PE or Pulmonary Embolism. In my naïveté I assumed that the pain I was suffering was due to the PE. (About 2 weeks later I found out that I had a Plural Effusion where liquid had pooled between the lining of my lung and my lung that had been causing me pain that whole time and it turns out that the PE was in the other lung) So when the doctor said that I could go home but it might be a good idea to stay for observation I chose to stay. I was in massive amounts of pain and discomfort and all the drugs they had me on where not cutting it. (In hind site I wish I had known that the thing causing me pain was the Effusion so that I could have inquired about them relieving some of the pressure by draining the Effusion or some other more active treatment.) Sadly to their neglect I spent 3 miserable days and nights away from my newborn and in insane amounts of pain. I would literally be shaking and shivering uncontrollably and ache all over. Finally on the 20th I said that I had had enough and wanted to go home, as hospital treatment wasn’t really doing me any good. I just wanted to get home to my family. So much had happened since I was admitted to the hospital anyways. Abigail’s umbilical cord had fallen off. Jason and June had moved Abigail into her room and out of the bassinette in our room. And Abigail had been predominantly bottle fed for the better part of three days. When I arrived home I was still miserable and achy but glad to be home with my family. And my fear of not having the income to cover all the hospital bills made me a bit anxious to find a new and better paying job as soon as possible. So within the week I had obtained the job I thought would work out best for the family and they wanted me to start right away and allow me to bring Abigail with me until she was able to go into a daycare facility. In hind site I should have just enjoyed my time with my family and not worried about debt. Though I enjoyed my new responsibilities a large group of my co-workers were uncomfortable to work with and I moved on to a different company with less than a year under my belt. I only lasted at that new company for 4-5 months because the owner didn’t care for my position (or as I would like to think of it, me). It was then that I became pregnant again, within days of being laid-off. I busted my butt to find a new job, but to no avail. As the months passed I began to contemplate the reality that I would have to take Abigail out of daycare and stay at home until after the baby was born. In the eleventh hour of the new year (my expected SAHM start date) I received an offer as a contract employee for a 4-5 month length and grabbed it up. It gave Jason and I more time to plan having only one income. At this point in my pregnancy I was already seeing the OB, a hematologist, and a pulmonologist. As it was described to me post PE, two years ago, I would have to be on blood thinners for any subsequent birth as a standard precaution and be considered a “high-risk” pregnancy. Well it wasn’t until recently that I started really looking into PE’s, as I am scared that it could happen again. And I found some disturbing news. I had an Acute PE vs. a Massive PE. Basically I was close to death. Which as a currently “hormonal pregnant woman” makes me even more concerned about the delivery and postpartum of this pregnancy. I wish that I could talk to other women that had the same experience that I had with a PE post partum and a hopefully trouble free second pregnancy and post partum experience. Sadly my searching of the Internet has only led me to the sad findings of women whom have clotting disorders that end up having miscarriages or stillborns. Generally things that only worry me and depress me more. Next Tuesday I have a sonogram that will hopefully shed some light on how Morgan is doing and when the OB would like to schedule the induction. The following day I have my 36 week checkup where they will tell me when they feel I should be induced. Then I go off Lovenox (my blood thinner) 5 days before the induction. My hematologist has decided that I do not need a short acting blood thinner in the interim (Heprin). But right now I do not know when I would resume the Lovenox treatments. I know that that is something I will be on up to 6 weeks post partum this time and I am planning on doing just that. One of the many things I have read is that PE’s are generally without any symptoms and hard to diagnose additionally even on blood thinners you can get them. I have just been reflecting that perhaps, if there is a God that It is trying to tell me that I need to enjoy the time I have with my family. I hardly had quality time with Abigail when she was first born because of the PE/Effusion and desire to find a better paying job. Now I am a Stay-At-Home-Mom who spends all my time with her and isn’t freaking out about the money. I have found that this is a good place for me right now. Abigail will not remember this time, but I will. This time is for me. I will not ever get back the time missed from when Abigail was so little and I am hoping that with Morgan, though there will be a sister to contend with, that he will get a devoted mom who is not wrapped up with the less than important things in life. I am truly lucky and blessed to have such a great family. I am hoping that Morgan is healthy and that Abigail likes her younger brother. And in a few months I will re-evaluate going back to work or staying home.