SAHMotherhood. I FAIL.

If today was any indication of how I will handle myself in a stressful situation with 2 kids then I FAIL. Miserably.

My poor baby boy is dealing with gas, poopiness, and spitup. He seemed to be eating almost 3 ounces every hour and a half and then spitting up within the hour even though I would hold him upright until he burped. This has been my life since last night. He didn't sleep really well. So now he is sleeping in the car seat. Yes the car seat. I had to call in the troops (a.k.a. dad) to get me out of the house for lunch. Where I could calm down. Because the Girl decided today of all days she neeeeded mommy. More than the past two weeks. I just wanted to have breakfast. Breakfast, the most important meal of the day. But most importantly when I was able to get my caffine fix. Try making coffee when the Infant is crying for his 3rd (or was it 4th) breakfast of the morning and the Toddler is having seperation anxiety from Daddy (and me because I am in the other room and not watching Elmo with her) and Can. Not. Be. Alone. So I left her alone, fed the baby, spread the cream cheese on my bagel, and made the coffee without too much difficulty. Then the baby was done and I burped him and he spit up. Then I had to change him. The whole time the Girl is shouting mommy over and over again.

Then the Girl finally conceded to reading some books in the other room. But then the Boy needed more food. Oh and by the way inbetween all of this I am trying to find time to pump. And so it goes. Boy needs me, Girl needs me, Boy needs me . . . etc. Boy could only be left alone for 5 to max 10 minutes before insisting on being picked up and either fed, burped, or pooped. And the Girl had the same idea. . . sans the burping and pooping. She just wanted me to Pay. Attention. To. Her. and only her.

So I started adding cus words into my sentences and then using them in front of her and directed at her. So. Pissed. OFF. I don't want to lose it in front of my kids. I want to keep a level head and be able to be a fair and just ruler mommy. Did I mention the cus words? I so. FAIL. And the patience which by now I am suspecting that I have none. I have noticed that the less sleep I get the faster I lose it. This leads me to my deciscion which my Hubs seems to think is ok considering he prefers that I have some sanity. That I am going to switch to formula. Sooner rather than later. I haven't finalized when this will happen. But considering I am not drinking alcohol, eatting peanut butter, and now have been informed that I should cut out ALL dairy to see if the Boy may be having a reaction to (I called the nurse today to run by what the Boy has been dealing with lately — did I mention that he and the Girl have colds?)) all for the sake of the boy. I think it is time.

Well it has been about 4 hours and the boy hasn't begged for food yet. My delima is that I heated food for him 2 hours ago and don't want to throw it away (how long does breastmilk last when it has been heated up?). The Girl is sleeping. And I am finally getting some down time. So do I wake him up? UGh. So Tired.